Back in early 2001, in those blissfully dippy days when Canada and the US still bragged about sharing "the world's longest undefended border", and the September 11th suicide highjackers were busy being thrown out of flight school after flight school because they kept insisting that they didn't want to learn how to actually land the plane, I accepted a mission to drive a Ford Windstar van towing a fully loaded double axle U-Haul trailer to Nova Scotia from Miami, Florida.
On the day in question, I was driving north on I-95 with the cruise control set at 60 mph, and had crossed the Massachusetts/New Hampshire state line at exactly 13:00 hours. Five minutes later, I felt a shift in the way the trailer was tracking and heard a change in the road noise from its tires. Pulling over to check it out I discovered that one of the trailer's tires had disintegrated.
I pulled my U-Haul contract out of the glove compartment, found the 800 number for U-Haul Roadside Assistance, and called them from my cellular phone. This was the exchange that ensued, totally untranslated from the original Georgia peach accent:
U-Haul: "Yew Haul Roadsahd Assistance, this here's Melanie, may ah hep yew?"
Me: "Yes, this is contract number (whatever it was), I've got a blown tire on my rig and I'm by the roadside needing assistance. I'm five miles north of the Massachusetts/New Hampshire state line on the northbound lane of I-95."
U-Haul: "Do yew have an exit number or a mahl marker sir?"
Me: "No I don't. I can't see anything like that from here. Just tell the cavalry that I'm five miles north of the Massachusetts/New Hampshire state line on I-95."
U-Haul: "Oh ah have ta have a mahl marker or an exit number sir."
Me: "Well you're not going to get one! There isn't anything like that in sight and this rig isn't going anywhere until you fix it. Now look at your map, locate the border between Massachusetts and New Hampshire, and find where I-95 cuts across it. Measure 5 miles north of that line. I'll be the guy with the dead cel phone standing next to the 3 wheeled U-Haul trailer."
U-Haul: "Hold plaize sir, ah'm jist gonna go git mah soopuhvahsuh."
I stand waiting for about 45 seconds after which there's a click and the call continues.
U-Haul: "Hello sir? This is Stephanie, where ahr yew agin?"
Me: "I'm parked on the northbound lane of I-95 almost exactly 5 miles north of the Massachusetts/New Hampshire state line."
U-Haul: "OK sir, hold plaize."
This time I waited for nearly two minutes before they came back, and it was Melanie again.
U-Haul: "Ahm sorry it's takin' so lawng sir, we're still tryin' ta fahnd Noo Hampsher on ahr map."
On the day in question, I was driving north on I-95 with the cruise control set at 60 mph, and had crossed the Massachusetts/New Hampshire state line at exactly 13:00 hours. Five minutes later, I felt a shift in the way the trailer was tracking and heard a change in the road noise from its tires. Pulling over to check it out I discovered that one of the trailer's tires had disintegrated.
I pulled my U-Haul contract out of the glove compartment, found the 800 number for U-Haul Roadside Assistance, and called them from my cellular phone. This was the exchange that ensued, totally untranslated from the original Georgia peach accent:
U-Haul: "Yew Haul Roadsahd Assistance, this here's Melanie, may ah hep yew?"
Me: "Yes, this is contract number (whatever it was), I've got a blown tire on my rig and I'm by the roadside needing assistance. I'm five miles north of the Massachusetts/New Hampshire state line on the northbound lane of I-95."
U-Haul: "Do yew have an exit number or a mahl marker sir?"
Me: "No I don't. I can't see anything like that from here. Just tell the cavalry that I'm five miles north of the Massachusetts/New Hampshire state line on I-95."
U-Haul: "Oh ah have ta have a mahl marker or an exit number sir."
Me: "Well you're not going to get one! There isn't anything like that in sight and this rig isn't going anywhere until you fix it. Now look at your map, locate the border between Massachusetts and New Hampshire, and find where I-95 cuts across it. Measure 5 miles north of that line. I'll be the guy with the dead cel phone standing next to the 3 wheeled U-Haul trailer."
U-Haul: "Hold plaize sir, ah'm jist gonna go git mah soopuhvahsuh."
I stand waiting for about 45 seconds after which there's a click and the call continues.
U-Haul: "Hello sir? This is Stephanie, where ahr yew agin?"
Me: "I'm parked on the northbound lane of I-95 almost exactly 5 miles north of the Massachusetts/New Hampshire state line."
U-Haul: "OK sir, hold plaize."
This time I waited for nearly two minutes before they came back, and it was Melanie again.
U-Haul: "Ahm sorry it's takin' so lawng sir, we're still tryin' ta fahnd Noo Hampsher on ahr map."
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